Busy with Allah and Life.

Well, we all do believe that reality sucks, if not all the time maybe sometime, just sometime. And so we keep telling ourselves or keep ourselves busy just to make sure that the reality won't kick in. Life is uncertain, unexpected and that is what life is. Reality is just a part of life where the other part is imagination. At times when reality tries to invade and dictate life, man will try to put imagination in charge. however, we do not own our own body, it is just a game of mind and they control everything.

What is given to me is a life, a straight-forwarded life, a guided life lead by God (Allah) and Prophet (Muhammad) and the environment.

I always keep thinking that my life was all set-up by my father or my mother, set me up on this path which I don't even know at first. But they did guide me I think. But as i said, life is what life is. 

Though guidance was given to you all the way until you realize where you are, then those are the reality. So at that point where you stand, when reality kicks in hard and two consequences might come to your mind; reality sucks, reality is acceptable. A soul near by God (Allah) would have the latter most in their mind but a soul vice versa would have the former. So i guess we all know where I stand now, are not we?

Reality: I am now studying, or sadly I would prefer to use the word 'struggling', in this field which I haven't fully fall in love with, well perhaps yet.

Imagination: I am studying happily in the field that I have fallen in love with, without breaking sweats.

Reality: I am now living, or would prefer to use the term suffering, in Kelantan, 513 kilometers away from home.

Imagination: I am living in Kuala Lumpur, 57 kilometers away from home.

Reality: I decided to come here along with my heart wish, against my parents will against my guidance.

Imagination: I decided to stay there against my heart wish, along with my parents will along with my guidance.

Reality: I don't really have much friends. I am a wallflower.

Imagination: I have friends, true friends and I am so happy living that I don't want to die.

Reality: I cannot turn back the time.

Imagination: I can start over again.

You see, at this point I have so many arguments but I am least aware about the meaning of life given by God (Allah). Yet again, life is unpredictable. I am not so sure of my future in this path yet I contemplate everything. At time such this all I need to find is God (Allah). May I found Him and let He guide me through not just at this time but until eternity.

Kenang Ku Dalam Doa Mu

Wa Qala Rabbukum Ud'uni Astajib Lakum

Dan telah berkata Tuhan Kamu, Berdoalah Kepada Ku, Nescaya akan Aku kabulkan.

Ya Allah, dengarlah rayuan hambaMu ini. Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Penyayang lagi Maha Mengasihani.

Ya Allah, 

Izinkanlah aku menerima anugerah mu Ya Allah. Kurniakan lah aku anugerahMu Ya Allah. Hadiahkan lah aku rahmatMu Ya Allah. Hamba yang kerdil dan berdosa ini memohon anugerahMu Ya Allah. Anugerah air yang bersih Ya Allah. Air yang jernih Ya Allah. Air yang tiada karat dan besi di dalamnya Ya Allah. Jauhkan lah pula air Mu itu daripada segala kuman dan makhluk Mu yang memudaratkan kepada sekalian manusia Ya Allah. Jikalau anugerah Mu itu ada jauh dariku, maka Kau dekatkanlah Ya Allah. Dan Jikalau anugerah Mu itu hampir denganku, maka Kau sampaikanlah Ya Allah. 

Tuhan Ku Yang Maha Pengampun dan Maha Pemurah,

Aku mohon kepada Mu segala kekuatan untuk mengharungi dugaan Mu ini Ya Allah. Hanyalah kepadaMu aku menyembah, dan hanyalah kepadaMu aku mohon Pertolongan, Ya Allah.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Dengan Menyebut Nama Mu Ya Allah Yang Maha Pengasih, Penyayang

Segala Puji Bagi Mu Ya Allah Pemelihara Seluruh Alam Raya

Engkaulah Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang

Yang Menguasai Hari Pembalasan

Hanyalah Kepada Mu Kami Menyembah Dan Pada Mu Kami Mohon Pertolongan

Tunjukkanlah Kami Ke Jalan Yang Lurus

Jalan Orang-Orang Yang Engkau Beri Nikmat Bukan Jalan Mereka Yang Kau Murkai

Dan Bukan Pula Jalan Mereka Yang Sesat

Everywhere I Am, There You'll Be

whenever i feel like writing, i write.

and please, don't be a grammar nazi. it's killing me.

can i consider myself as crazy unstable dramatic person. i watch too many movies and get hung over the movies, feeling and imagining that somehow my  life could be like it. i always wish my life to get better. particularly on the part where i always feel lonely. so that loneliness is what drives me to think irrationally, i think. i don't know if there's any other thing that makes me crazy. i feel good when i watch movies, dramas etc but i always feel uncomfortable around people. awkwardness here and there. i cannot be myself at times. and become a total retard on that account. so for that, then, i always wish for a company. a loyal loving company. whom i will not judge by the look, just enough by the heart and neither the company will. 

i do have friends, you see. but then, sometimes even with friends, i can feel awkwardness creeping inside my mind retarding the way i communicate. it would be so unnatural. so not me. 

for some, they may say, "you know, if you don't find people, find God". i agree with that.

and i tried and still trying, you know, to be a better person, who always remember God and remember the day that i will die. but i don't know now, at some point, i just need support from a living person to teach me the way to God. i just need to feel more affection i may say. sorry if i speak out of term here. alright, just a short note from me this time. quite busy nowadays. wishing that God will protect that someone and guide us to the place called Jannah. 

Pray for Gaza, and Aizat, both at war fighting for their future.