They Don't Like My Jeans, They Don't Get My Hair!

Hye everyone! I mean, anyone!

I always would like to post song lyrics just to tell you how I'm feeling at the moment. I am going to share with you what happened to me last year (first year undergraduate).

"I just made some stupid actions in front of the whole lecture. malunya!!!! only God knows how I feel now. Here's what happened. I arrived late to lecture this morning, which is a very usual thing for me everyday, and so I sat in the back row. After a few minutes Dr Asma came into the lecture hall thru the back door and sat next to me. Dr Masa's voice was so slow and soft at that time and suddenly Dr Asma asked me to turn up the volume of the speaker. Mind you that the volume control is located exactly in front of the talking lecture, in front of the whole class. So as to obey my teacher(lecturer), I walked down the stairs towards the controller. I can hear my footsteps as I descend the stairs after I realized that all eyes in the hall were rested on me. I mean, seriously, SHOE, can you produce louder sound effect? I hate you shoe! So I tried to walk down the stairs more discreet and quietly and that involved me walking retardly down like someone who lost a toenail walking on fire! I was like, why am I walking like this? Can you imagine, me walking down the stairs from the back row, retardly, to the front?! It took me like 2 minutes I think to reach the controller! 2 minutes of retard walking! Duhh I laughed at myself for my greatest self-humiliation act ever! 

I mean, it's my first year! I am supposed to make friends and now I think no one wants to befriend with an awkward weirdo like me. Huh, anyway, so I walked towards the speaker volume control which is nearby Dr masa, who was giving lecture at that time, I smiled at him a little and tried to whisper "Dr Asma asked me to turn up the volume" while he was delivering. I turned up the volume but it is already at its highest! So I just pretended to turn it up so that other people would know my intention. As I turned back I realized everybody was laughing! In a not-so-discreet manner kind of laugh and I was so blur at first about what they were laughing about. So i climbed up the high, long stairs back to my seat and on the way climbing, I realized that I just did something stupid. I did turn up the volume of the speaker but actually the lecturer's voice was the faulty! I was like a moron freak who don't know how to tell the lecturer to speak louder so that people can hear him from the back. I just turned up the volume like I was trying to be sarcastic. As if I was trying to make a joke. Silly me, how can stupid can you be at such time! Uhh! Now the Dr must really hate me for insulting him and at that moment I knew I have a potential to fail anatomy. Anyway, I can still hear people's small laughs so I tried to control my urge to LOL and gave them the I'm-not-guilty awkward smile. Another weird act of the day by me! Great! My future seemed 'brighter'. Stupid humiliating actions that I won't do again. God help me thru this.."

This is quite the thing that I wrote in my diary last year. More or less.

But the thing is, people may interpret things that you do, they may say something, compliment or critic, but only you and your God knows your pure intention. I mean, I didn't mean to insult anyone, but people laughed as if I was insulting. Or maybe they laughed by the way I retard-walk! Anyway, critics are everywhere, watching you dress, gossiping your life story, but only you should decide who you are. Take or not take the critics because there are thin lines separating critics from advice. Just something to think about. Have a beautiful life! 

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

One Week Holiday!

ola everyone reading :)

my first day of my holiday had just ended. sadly nothing remarkable happened. except that i rode on bike for the first time to Friday prayer. i am so going to be and live like a true villager! it's not that hard actually to ride a bike. i mean, automatic transmissions only. and it'll be more of a help if the bike size is adequate or smaller than you. you'll find it easy to go here and there, run errands in just a few minutes etc. however, tonight i can't sleep, i don't even know why is it so hard for me to fall asleep tonight. anyway, none of that matters to you, or to be told.

so my friend Jaja and Atip asked me out tomorrow, Mid Valley Megamall. Again. i know, it's kinda boring, but there are not much choices since i don't think they are the kind of people who hang out at not-shopping-mall type. so, i guess i'll just join. and karaoke. i mean like, is there any place in that mall where we can karaoke for less than rm20/hour??? of course no. so i don't think it's a good idea for me to go karaoke. i mean, hello, people like me, who lives in an only-god-knows-who-can-afford-that apartment, i have to save up wherever or whenever i can. maybe i could tell them tomorrow morning that i'll be late because of the traffic and show up after they have finished singing, i mean, karaoke-ing. i know, for some it might be easier to just don't go hangout. but i need to hangout. my holiday is up for a week only before i have to go back to college and suffer for another 5 months. so the plan is actually to seize the holiday by doing something meaningful or beautiful or something that i can reminisce about back in college later. i don't know how much will i spend tomorrow, hopefully i can manage well and hopefully financial assistant will be given (even to those who are not qualified = me = my scholar just got in last week).

so, that's for tomorrow. on Monday, my friend Dudd are coming over to KL from kelantan to spend some days here. He's planning to stay at Ilman's or maybe at Izzul's but i said to him if he don't have anywhere else to stay he is welcomed at my place. i mean, i know that my house is not that beautiful or spacious or gallant or whatever but for me it's perfect. hehe. lifting own's basket (as the malay saying goes: angkat bakul). so on Monday, we, me, Izzul, Ilman, Dudd, and may be some others will go out somewhere in the city to celebrate Ilman's Birthday! Yeay! On Tuesday, we'll go ice skating in Sunway Pyramid. hopefully everything turns out as we've planned! cross fingers! i mean, not really cross fingers, Islam never taught me to cross any fingers hehe. 

Theory Trial Session

i just finished reading a very lovely blog and suddenly the hormones kick in. the love hormone and the i-have-to-write-something hormone. nothing much that i can really relate my life with that blog's author except that she has something i always dream of. that's all.

i am now having a great time; tomorrow i am going to sit for my second paper, yesterday was the first paper, and papers for the next two following days. i know. i still write anyway. i should be sleeping right now. maybe after this. currently downloading The Perks Of Being A Wallflower to be watched before i go to exam tomorrow. yeah, that's what Einstein did before he came up with a theory or something. no kidding. i am so lazy to take the exam, sit for the papers, all i know was to end it and be back home on thursday. that's all. but sometimes the reality or awareness kicks in. i start to think what my final result would be if i continue to not read books or anything to prepare for those papers. and also what would my facial expression be when i received my results. i just sit here, i mean, lie down in my bed all day and night for the past few days prior to my exam commencement. and dined out at secret recipes, kfc, kopitiam.. something a normal student would not do few days before exams. 

alright, truth be told, i am testing it. i am testing my theory. the theory: what would it be if (1) i don't study anything for the whole two weeks before exam (2) i don't study during nights of exam (3) i watch movies and ease my stress during the exam week.

HAHA

yup, i think we all can pretty much guess the outcome. failure. of course i knew it.

this laziness syndrome started pretty much like this. i went back home from kelantan to banting for 4 days, 3 weeks prior to exam. i enjoyed everything i have there. and then i got back here in kelantan for 14 days of study week which previously i had planned to be full of studying and books and revisions before the exam. i lasted a few days here (i was having some strange stress that i think i have never experienced before) and 12 days prior to exam i went back to my hometown. again i enjoyed, amused, treated myself going to singapore, hanging out, watching movies and all the good stuffs imaginable. 5 days prior to exam (still in hometown, banting) i started to think about my exam. so i started to read on things in books that i brought home and some notes. and mind you i was very very minimal amount of reading. and 2 days prior to exam i got back here in kelantan to sit for my exam. now i am dumb.

~

i feel like not living the life i need to live but instead i am living the life i want to live. of course i don't always dream of being a doctor, i always dream of being a teacher. i don't know why either. anyway i don't think and understand that now is not the time to change the direction of my life. i mean this is what life is right? sometimes we get what we dreamed of, some other times we don't. i think life is something to be embraced not to be ran away from. so, let us all see what life might comes to me after this. and what my results be when miracles (kiramah, istidraj etc) hits me. haha. and still don't forget to always wish for the best of us. amin :)

love xoxo